So I’ve taken basically a year long hiatus from this blog. Although it may not have been noticed at all, because I am probably the only one who reads these, I have not posted since last fall. But, I have written a few tidbits of thoughts, memories and ponderings that I guess I could share. I miss writing… it was a good outlet for me since I keep all of my emotions and opinions to myself. So here’s one that I wrote a while ago:
I’ve been hesitant to talk about this aspect of my beliefs on here for a long time. Mostly because people think I’m crazy or argue with me. Which both are fine, I think I’m crazy too and I actually really want this theory to be false, so please prove the opposition to be correct. But here we go.
For a long time I’ve had this theory that emotions, particularly love, don’t exist. They are just concepts that society made up to add purpose to our lives. That we actually don’t feel emotions, they’re just things that we think we’re supposed to act out because it seems right because of how the world wants us to be. But, we don’t realize in the moment (or sometimes ever) that these don’t exist because the actions and thoughts become subconscious because they’re so believed by others.
For example, one typically loves their mom. And would miss their mom is they were apart for a long time. I’m 21 and am very close with my mother, but live almost 2 hours away from her. So, I’d say that I miss her when were apart for long periods of time. But do I miss her because I have an attachment to her and love her? Or do I miss her because society says that we’re supposed to miss our parents when not together? I have a strange feeling it’s the latter.
I know what you’re thinking, “what if I don’t have a good relationship with my mom?”, well, society tells you to miss the things that you love. If you don’t love her, you don’t miss her. Second counter point usually mentioned, “how do you know that you love her if emotions don’t exist?”, well society tells us to love the things that we see beauty in, that care for us, feed us, nurture us, birthed us etc. So society tells us to love our parents, then tells us to miss the things that we love when apart. So, everything is based on a preconceived concept that society has developed for centuries.
Now, I mentioned earlier that I wanted to be wrong. I want emotions and love to exist. I really do. I want to find someone to love for the rest of my life. I want to believe that I share a strong bond, called love, with my parents because they’re my parents and they’re helpful and caring and loyal. Someone please tell me why my theory is wrong. Prove to me that I can find love in my life. But I also kinda want someone to tell me they believe me… just so I feel a little bit less crazy.