We don’t really need a guys attention to have a good time… Right?

Again, failing at posting weekly…. I keep writing posts but don’t find them to be good enough or long enough to post. But, my thoughts about some topics are so brief, yet important to me, so I need to post them. Others may relate and give some insight. Here we go….

I used to think that to have a good time out, whether it be night or day, that I would need the attention of a guy. No one had to make a move or even walk up to me, just a couple looks would be fine. It was like I needed validation that I looked decent and approachable, that I wouldn’t be alone forever.  I was letting this dictate whether I had fun or not. That doesn’t even make logical sense. Especially since I would never talk to the guy ever again or just embarrass myself because I can’t talk to guys.

thirst is real

Shouldn’t the fact that I enjoyed the music or that I danced be a good sign? Even a laugh, a smile or good conversation proves a good time. Apparently those weren’t enough for me.

I always say I want to embrace moments instead of take pictures and videos. And I have been that person to some degree. But guys always seem to distract from moments anyways.  (I don’t even believe in love, so why are guys so important to me?)

I went to a concert the other night and didn’t pay attention to anyone, but my friends and the music. And it was pretty great (minus the fact that I’m so short that I couldn’t even see the guy singing lol). Making improvements here! I have to try to do this more often, or else life will start flying by without my noticing. This is what matters the most. Having fun while I’m alive.

Image from: http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/thirst

Advertisements

I Am A Toy That People Enjoy…

I have always thought that I was one of those people that don’t take shit from anyone. And I mean I like to speak my mind and I am willing to elbow a guy in a bar if he gets too handsy. I have been told by my friends that they like going to the bar with me because I can get rid of anyone. The other weekend I was at a party and it was dying down and we were all trying to chill and sleep. A couple girls were rude and racist and wouldn’t leave when everyone wanted them to, so I got them to. I know that may make me seem like a bad person, and sometimes I really think I am, but I grew up being walked over and I’m done with it.

Despite these circumstances, a past situation leads me to believe differently. Only in these past couple months have I really evaluated my actions or lack there of in this situation. What got me thinking about it was Lorde’s song Liability and specifically the line where she sings “I am a toy that people enjoy ‘til all of the tricks don’t work anymore and now they get bored of me.”. This has quite literally happened to me with a specific friend of mine.

One of my guy friends, who I will not name because that is not what’s important, had been a fan of mine for a little while. I knew he liked me, he had admitted it to my friend, but he had never done anything about it. Well, this year one night my friends and I were out at a bar drinking. And of course, we got drunk and ended up hooking up (I know everyone uses the term “hooking up” differently so to clarify, we made out, that’s it).To be honest I don’t really remember it… I remembered that it had happened, but not the actual events that took place.

I thought nothing of that night, we continued on as just friends (exactly what I wanted), it wasn’t even awkward. But I think that night was a gateway for future nights. He has tried to get me alone, he has tried to feed me drinks so it could happen again. I have had to push his hand out from under my shirt or dress a few times.  I was drunk every time and although I believe I don’t take shit from people I never said stop. It’s my fault that it continued to happen, I kept getting drunk, lowering my guard. I never said no, I just pushed away. And that’s not okay.

I had let him play with me. Soon he got bored, his tricks stopped working when I learned to push him away. Now, who I thought was my friend doesn’t hang out with me, doesn’t talk to me, doesn’t even text me. Now I can see he is not the kind of friend that I thought he was. He is not the kind of person that I want in my life. I realize that he could have acted that way because he could have been interested in me and when he realized that the feelings were not reciprocated he moved on, but that doesn’t mean he should have dropped me completely. Or I could be wrong, he could have been making drunk mistakes too. Or he could have thought that was okay. I don’t know, but I’m glad I figured out that I don’t need him in my life because no one should be treated like that.

Picture from: unsplash.com

Why Am I The Party Animal?

Here we go, time to bring up one of my biggest problems with today’s society. REPUTATIONS. A belief or opinion that someone has about someone or something. Generally, based on their expectations for how one should live. I say they’re crap! No one should be judged and pushed into a certain category, especially if they’re not applying the same guidelines to everyone.

I guess I’m just speaking from my own experiences though, and boy, are they negative ones. My reputation of the past couple years and I guess right now, is that I’m a “party animal” or as my family would call me; “boozy”. I know what you’re thinking, “that’s not that bad”, “it could be worse” and/or “that means that people think you’re fun”. But in reality, it means that I like to be really drunk and don’t mind making mistakes. It means that I’d rather spend a night out and not remember most of it. It means that I’m putting being social above school and work. It means that I don’t have my life together (in my family’s eyes).   But I want more, I want others to think higher of me. I want to think higher of myself. I’m not saying that being a “party animal” is a bad thing, if that’s what you want to do and if that’s what you enjoy then go for it. But I honestly don’t really like going out. Choosing the perfect outfit and putting on the right makeup takes too much effort. Getting drunk just isn’t that fun for me. I basically only go to bars because I have a strong fear of missing out on possible memories and then hearing about them the next day. I realize that we’re only on earth for a limited time and I don’t want to regret not doing things. But at this point, I just regret not staying in and sleeping.

What? So if I go to a bar once a week, not even getting drunk every time, that means you can call me boozy? Let’s keep in mind that I’m in university, where most people my age go out one to three times a week! I’m not going to lie, I have had my fair share of stupidly drunk nights (but who hasn’t). I even go out with the very people that gave me the reputation. (Also, just want to point out that right now, as I’m typing this out, my friends are all at a country bar, drinking, and dancing and having a blast). They are doing the same things as me, just as often, but don’t get the same title, I don’t understand! Why am I the “party animal”? We’re all in this together guys! And if you don’t think you are a frequent partier, then I’m not one either. None of us have to be “the boozy”, we can all just live our lives doing whatever we want. As long as no one is harmed, people should be able to party as much or as little as they want to without being judged!

Sorry for the mini rant guys… This has been on my mind for a long time. Labels and reputations are just so unnecessary.

 

Image was taken  from an article by: Natalie Fraser and Meena Rajulu
http://www.awesomefoundation.org/en/projects/12133-dance-dance-office-revolution