We don’t really need a guys attention to have a good time… Right?

Again, failing at posting weekly…. I keep writing posts but don’t find them to be good enough or long enough to post. But, my thoughts about some topics are so brief, yet important to me, so I need to post them. Others may relate and give some insight. Here we go….

I used to think that to have a good time out, whether it be night or day, that I would need the attention of a guy. No one had to make a move or even walk up to me, just a couple looks would be fine. It was like I needed validation that I looked decent and approachable, that I wouldn’t be alone forever.  I was letting this dictate whether I had fun or not. That doesn’t even make logical sense. Especially since I would never talk to the guy ever again or just embarrass myself because I can’t talk to guys.

thirst is real

Shouldn’t the fact that I enjoyed the music or that I danced be a good sign? Even a laugh, a smile or good conversation proves a good time. Apparently those weren’t enough for me.

I always say I want to embrace moments instead of take pictures and videos. And I have been that person to some degree. But guys always seem to distract from moments anyways.  (I don’t even believe in love, so why are guys so important to me?)

I went to a concert the other night and didn’t pay attention to anyone, but my friends and the music. And it was pretty great (minus the fact that I’m so short that I couldn’t even see the guy singing lol). Making improvements here! I have to try to do this more often, or else life will start flying by without my noticing. This is what matters the most. Having fun while I’m alive.

Image from: http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/thirst

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Turning 21

Sadly, my goal of writing weekly is not going too successfully. I’ve been writing randomly on my phone, but never posting because I’m way too busy (that’s what I’m telling myself anyways). So here’s something I wrote on my birthday a couple months ago. 
I’ve been racking my brain for a reason as to why I don’t want to turn 21. I don’t know it seems like such an intense age. The age that scares and intimidates all ages, the Hannibal Lecter of ages. 
Maybe it’s because I don’t want the responsibilities of an adult (although I already have a lot). Maybe it’s because a lot of my friends are a year younger than me and I feel out of place. Maybe it’s because I don’t like the number 21. 

Maybe, I feel this way every year when it’s close to my birthday. I think I do, but the thought drifts to the back of my mind as the days pass. And each year I’m reminded how time never stops. Despite living basically the same week over an over again, the days have actually changed. I seem to forget that part of living sometimes, that time doesn’t stop and at some point it will end for all of us. I don’t have extra time to add something into my life that I should have done before. I regret a lot of things that I’ve done, not that I would go back and change anything because i have learned a lot from my mistakes. But what I really regret is wishing I had done things when I hadn’t. But theres no way to go back because we keep moving on. I hate being so conscious of what I’m doing and how it effects everything around me. 

I’m always so concerned not just about what others will think about my actions but what I think of them and what I think of myself when I do them. I’m scared of hating the person I’ve become so I stay safe. I don’t often take any risks especially in certain areas of my life. 

It’s shitty to think that I could actually hate getting older every single time I’m on earth for another year. I want to celebrate the fact that I’m still here, healthy and secure. I don’t want to float. Ugh. I hate being scared of basically everything. I always think that I’m a pretty risky person, that I’m not afraid of anything. I’m lying to myself. 
Photo from Pinterest 

Introductions

Alright, here we go, introductions. Something that seems so easy, but I can never pick out a few things to tell someone when they ask about me. It’s hard, because, like many people, I don’t like to talk about myself. Whether it’s because I don’t want people to think negatively of me or I want to impress people or I just don’t know exactly who I am (but who really does). Regardless, I am going to try now, to tell you, if anyone’s actually reading this, who I think I am.

So, hi. My name is Jade, I’m twenty years old from a decently large city in Southern Ontario, Canada. I am going into my third year of university for kinesiology, I won’t tell you what school just yet though. I love my program and the amazing people that I have met, although I am close with very few, as I believe one should be. I love music, probably a little too much as I spend way too much money on concerts, but they’re worth it. I consider myself a burrito enthusiast, a taco connoisseur, and an ice cream admirer. Lastly, due to my trait anxious personality, I have some strange theories about life and emotions. I don’t necessarily believe in all of them, but they are potential truths that I hold in my mind that generally refrain me from living the life that I desire. Maybe we’ll work them out together here, I’d love some feedback.

I started this blog because, well, my life is jaded. I don’t want to spend the summer just working, getting drunk and waiting to move back to school. So, this is my idea, to share my thoughts with others. I’m hoping that you will be able to relate or understand where I’m coming from. I’m hoping that I’ll feel less anxious about becoming an adult and finding out who I am or who I want to be. So here we go.